So here I am, wondering if I will ever get used to going shopping by myself every week, hauling my child in and out of the car while he screams (he hates the car) and not having anyone else to talk to but myself. Needless to say I have had a rough few months with my last sister leaving for Texas. Don't get me wrong, I am excited for them all, but I still can't fight the feeling of loneliness and depression that eats at me. Each day is different. Some days I can keep busy with Braxton and running errands, but even then I have a hard time. Everyone says change is good, but I couldn't believe it. I miss everyone so much. Sometimes I felt like there was no purpose in even getting out of my pjs and ready for the day. I am so grateful for my son Braxton because if it weren't for him I would still be in bed I'm sure :)
I decided a few weeks ago that I needed to turn to the Lord for help. I knew I was just being selfish and sinking in my own self pitty. The Lord has blessed our family so much and I wasn't even acknowleging it because I couldn't see past my depressed state. I started to dive into the scriptures and just start to read for long periods of time... and I had lots of it! I have grown an even deeper love for my savior and for his servants who risked all they had just so we could have these scriptures to read. I even read to Braxton and he just loves it, as if he knows exactly who and what I was reading about!
As much as I still miss my family and have moments where I just cry, I am so grateful for this experience. It has brought me so much closer to my heavenly father and my wonderful husband. We have grown as a family from this hard period in my life and I will always be grateful to have had this time to reflect on my savior and his sacrifice for us.
On a lighter note..... WE GOT OUR OFFER ACCEPTED ON A HOUSE! We should be closing mid-late April. We are so excited! It is in Buckeye so a little further from town than most would like but we love it and know it is the place we are supposed to be. We are so ready for our new home and are just waiting like little children for it!
Thank you all for such love and support!
By the way I lost the charger for our camera so have no updated photos! I will work on that :)
9 comments:
i miss you so much and i am so sorry that you are having a hard time. i know how it feels to be lonely and depressed. i experienced it when i moved here, but now we have changed spots. i hope you get through this and that some day we will be close enough again so that we can spend more time together. i cant wait to see braxton. i will be there soon to visit. love you and miss you. call me anytime if you want to talk. congrats on the house.
I know it is hard to be left with no sisters. I've been there. This is where you will find some great friends from your ward and neighborhood. What a great way to get out of a down slope...reading your scriptures and relying on the Lord. Braxton I'm sure is getting something out of you reading to him. Congrats on your house. Can't wait to see pictures!
how lucky braxton and josh are to have such a strong woman in their lives! it is such a blessing to know that our savoir knows exactly how we are feeling so that if and when we turn to him, he can help lift us up. i love you jess! and i am so happy for your family to get into a house of your very own! we need to get together more, sunday was so much fun!
My heart ached for you as I read your post BUT I will tell you something - when Kenny and I first got married we moved away from my family and lived by his family which was nice BUT not the same as my family. But, it was the BEST thing, Kenny and I became so close and strong as couple and NOW I'm so glad for that experience.
So happy to hear about your house!! My friend lives at 303rd Avenue, I'll have to stop and see you when I visit with her!!
Hang in there Jess! I admire your honesty and ability to turn to the Lord in this trial. One of the great things about this church, is that you have a built in ward family, and who knows, maybe you have a soul-mate friend just waiting for you there. Good luck!
Jess I know it was hard for you when we left. It was so hard for me too. We have grown so close and I will always charish that. I know you understand and I love you so much for that. It broke my heart to tell you we were leaving. You are a wonderful person and sister. Josh and braxton are so lucky!
Thanks for being honest in such a hard time. I love how you turned to your Heavenly Father when things weren't the best. You are an amazing woman and I love your fun, loving, giving personality. Braxton is very lucky to have you as his mother and Josh is pretty lucky too. Keep up the good work Jess. You are loved, even if it is hundreds of miles away! Good luck on your house!
Oh Jess, thanks for your honesty. I have definitely felt those lonely, depressed feelings before. Change may be good-but that doesn't mean it isn't hard. What a fabulous example of turning to the scriptures. I am giving my next RS lesson on scripture study & this would be a great example if you don't mind if I share it? Love you so much & excited for you house. That will keep you busy & feeling settled is fabulous. I'm sorry we didn't talk more when you called the other day. Just know you are loved & missed in the north & south! Love, Aunt Kass & the clan
It has been awhile since I have read blogs, but reading how you went about your depression in the right way by turning to the Lord makes me so glad to be your grandmother. I couldn't ask for any greater gift than to know that my children love the Lord in such a way. You will find blessings and know how to get on top of this, I know. Thanks for sharing. Keep your chin up and give Braxton a hug for me!!
Post a Comment